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Vengeance
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Prue, you surprise everyone with your beauty, powers, grace and skills.
  
 
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Funny lines, season 5
« Thread started on: Oct 15th, 2003, 4:17pm » |
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A Witch's Tale 1
Phoebe: I can't believe you guys didn't notice my billboards downtown.
Piper: Oh, honey, of course we noticed. You can see them from a passing 747.
Piper: (looking a baby photo) Look how squishy I was!
Leo: You were so adorable.
Piper: Leo, you can't even see the picture.
Leo: I'm your whitelighter. I've been watching you since you were a baby.
Piper: Okay, see, yeah, that's just way too creepy to think about.
Craig: You know what I love?
Mylie: No, what?
Craig: Your enthusiasm.
Mylie: Oh.
Mylie: I'm not evil or anything.
Phoebe: Yeah, I've heard that one before.
Paige: What's it like under the sea? Does your skin get wrinkly? Does algae pose a threat to personal hygiene?
Mylie: You mean that I'm a genetic freak with a fish tail coated in glandular slime?
Phoebe: Good people don't turn other people into water coolers.
Piper: Leo, she said tidal waves! How far do tidal waves travel?
Piper: If he does not do this, then we've got to fight the evil—
Paige makes a time out sound with her hands.
Piper: Person.
Morris: (in the midst of being shot at) This is the last time I come to this place for lunch.
Leo: Why am I standing in the ocean?
Piper: Phoebe's a mermaid.
Leo: Oh, well, that would explain it.
Piper: Get in touch with your inner fish!
Craig: Who are you?
Paige: Witch.
Leo: Angel.
Phoebe: Mermaid
A witch's Tale 2
Leo: I found Phoebe.
Piper: You did? Well, why didn't you bring her?
Leo: She's too fast. And slippery.
Paige: It's official. Phoebe's on the run.
Leo: On the swim, technically.
Paige: Well, I didn't want to make you mad, you know, you getting all panicky and all.
Piper: Yes, we've established. I was spineless coward in the face of evil. Now what don't I know?
Piper: Okay, well, therapy takes years. Phoebe needs me now.
Paige: I'm about to orb your family jewels far far away.
Cole: Yeah, that would hurt.
Piper: So what about this demon? I'd like to thank it and then kill it.
Piper: Minor setback. It's fine.
Paige: Minor setback? The room is on fire.
Leo: What happened?
Piper: We're just getting ready to kick some demon ass. That's what we do right?
Piper pats Leo on the butt.
Piper: Okay, static man. Very impressive.
Piper: Oh, please, please, somebody help me! The mean demon is dipping into the water and it's really cold!
Piper: Oh, look out, Phoebe. He's packing a seashell.
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Vengeance
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Re: Funny lines, season 5
« Reply #1 on: Oct 15th, 2003, 4:19pm » |
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Happily Ever after
Cole: Keep your hands off my pumpkin.
Paige: You want my advice?
Piper: Not really.
Piper: Every other mother-to-be does not have to worry about her child orbing to Tahiti when they are sent to their room.
Piper: You think Cole is going to try and kill us? That would not be exactly the best way to win you back.
Cole: Don't you think you're being a little paranoid?
Phoebe: With my demon ex-husband from Hell? No, Cole. I don't.
Grams: Have you been exercising your powers daily?
Piper: Do I need to?
Grams: Well, you know, if you don't want to lose control of them. Did you perform a ritual to promote growth?
Piper and Leo look sheepish.
Grams: Did you cast a spell to ward off demonic parasites?
Piper and Leo continue to look ashamed.
Grams: Sweetheart, what did you do?
Leo: We built a nursery in our bedroom closet.
Paige: No offense, but aren't you supposed to be dead?
Grams: Oh, I'm over that.
Grams: I certainly don't want a body if it's going to be chopped up.
Phoebe: (about Grams' corporality) Wait. What did I just hug? Where'd you get the body from?
Leo: Because nobody knows where it is. It's location has been kept secret even from the Elders.
Paige: Where was their infinite wisdom on the day that was decided?
Cole: Am I up to something again?
Phoebe: (about Paige) Dead? What do you mean she's dead?
Leo: Don't worry. The dwarves are all over it.
Phoebe: The dwarves?
Leo: Piper cast a spell that wound up summoning the descendents of the seven dwarves. Actually, they prefer to be called little people now.
Stinky: (about Grams) Think she knows that's a wolf?
Head Dwarf: Not our business.
Piper: Aw, back off, Grams. I just saved your ass.
Grams: (incredulously) Uh!
Leo: She's back.
Cole: (holding the pumpkin) Your sister. And, uh, I had nothing to do with this, I swear.
Piper: (about Little Red Riding Hood's cape) I knew I would have to put on this stupid thing eventually.
Evil Witch: Well, then if I'm not the most powerful witch in all the land, who is?
Piper: Take a wild guess.
Paige: Can someone please tell me how I got in a coffin?
Grams: You were dead, dear. But, bright side, at least now we have something in common
Siren's Song
Paige: Are you trying to kill us?
Piper: No, I'm trying to get a little attention around here, which these days tends to require a small explosion.
Piper: (to Paige) Geez, you're like my husband with boobs.
Leo: I'm sure that it is just all this arguing has got the baby upset.
Piper: Leo, the baby is an inch long. All this arguing is upsetting the mommy.
Piper: Leo, I have growing powers inside of me. Powers that I don't understand, and the only person who does understand them never has time to talk. Add that to raging hormones and I guarantee you I am absolutely entitled to do the 'crying thing'.
Piper: I think my half-whitelighter baby thought that fireworks would be prettier than demon guts.
Piper: Okay, vanquish demon first, kill husband later.
Piper: Kiss this, pregnant dog!
Piper: I hit her with flowers?
Leo: What happened?
Piper: Before or after you were making out with the demon?
Paige: I'll just go get the book.
Piper: We were communicating. We were just communicating loudly.
Paige: You two are only going to get your powers back once you've learned your lessons.
Piper: Eh. I hate that. It's just so very after-school special.
Cole: You're pregnant?
Piper: Well, I was. Now I think Leo is.
Leo: Are your boobs always this sore?
Phoebe: (about Leo's spell) "We harken ye"? What are we trying to summon a leprechaun here?
Piper: Paige, it's our compassion, not our powers, that separates us from the bad guys.
Leo: Hey, I'm not nauseous!
Piper: Hey, I am! Wait...that's not good news.
Phoebe: "Sorry I tried to strangle you." Probably not a card the florist gets to write everyday, huh?
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Vengeance
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Re: Funny lines, season 5
« Reply #2 on: Oct 15th, 2003, 4:21pm » |
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Witch's in Tights
Leo: Piper, you're having a baby. Your priorities have changed.
Piper: Yeah, well, haven't you heard? Women can have careers and babies now. It's been in all the papers.
Leo: Are those women trying to save the world from demons too?
Leo: How about I buy you a drink?
Dave: Thanks. I've all ready got one.
Leo: That's not gonna be enough.
Paige: It's weird talking about sex with a pregnant lady anyway.
Piper: Well, uh, Paige, how do you think I got pregnant?
Paige: Eh. I don't want to know that either.
Paige: I didn't plan on orbing out, Piper. That wasn't my particular goal at the moment.
Piper: I'm pregnant. Not terminal.
Piper: So what do you say to an overbearing younger sister who's treating her pregnant older sister like a porcelain doll?
Phoebe: "Thank you"?
Piper: How about "Knock it off"?
Phoebe: That's probably better advice.
Phoebe: Besides, what about Paige? Can't she come?
Piper: Apparently not. She's with Dave trying desparately not to orb.
Leo: (referring to Paige's scant attire) Uh, Paige, where did you orb in from?
Paige: I was dealing with some personal issues.
Leo: Well, I'm your whitelighter so if you ever want to talk—
Piper and Paige: NO!!!
Piper: (to Paige) Come on. Let's get you into something less comfortable.
Phoebe: Cole, what are you doing here?
Cole: Well, I got a call from one of the tenants saying that Wonder Woman was torturing the landlord—what the hell are you doing?
Ramus: (to Leo) You could stand to be a little tougher sometimes. Just because you're an angel doesn't mean you can't kick some ass now and again.
Leo: Isn't it against the rules?
Ramus: I'm retiring. What do I care?
Piper: And apparently good for you. Since you worked through your issues with Dave I gather.
Paige: Yes, I did. Thank God. I just about to join a convent.
Piper: Um hmm. Must have been the pink leather. Broke you down.
Paige: Don't laugh, but I think it might've been. Something about leaping over tall buildings in a single bound. I guess that'll free any girl up.
The eyes have it
Piper: It was all of those women showing off their sonogram pictures, and it was just working on my last nerve. Like, "Look, it's Jasper's first photo. And it's going to go on the fridge in a magnetic frame that says 'Jasper's First Photo'!"
Leo: Okay, I thought prenatal yoga was supposed to help you relax.
Paige: So I basically come off as this big, dumb, fat, unemployed loser.
Piper: No, Paige, you're a big, dumb, fat, unemployed loser who saves the world.
Leo: You guys yell at her. I'll go check with the Elders and see what they know.
Piper: See, I need an epidural just to watch this!
Paige: Oh, gross. What are you guys watching? Is that some horror movie?
Piper: No, it's The Joys of Home Birthing. Strangely I'm not feeling the joy.
Paige: All of them had their eyes gouged out.
Piper: Ew.
Leo: Now the video doesn't seem so gruesome.
Piper: Ha! Speak for yourself.
Piper: Wow, prenatal yoga this morning and now you want to crash a stranger's funeral? You really do need friends.
Paige: You're mean.
Piper: Okay, well, I need a cracker in this lifetime. Would it be bad if I grabbed that box of saltines?
Phoebe: Probably.
Piper: So your new-and-improved premonitions are just a more vivid way of telling us we're screwed?
Paige: Did I ever mention that I—
Piper and Phoebe: Have no life? Yeah.
Piper: Midwives? No, see, I'm not having this thing naturally. I need lots and lots and lots of Western medicine.
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Vengeance
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Prue, you surprise everyone with your beauty, powers, grace and skills.
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Re: Funny lines, season 5
« Reply #3 on: Oct 15th, 2003, 4:22pm » |
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Sympathy for a demon
Leo: What's going on, Paige?
Paige: I'm just trying to conjure some doves.
Leo: Huh. Down here in front of all the windows, huh?
Piper: And so I was thinking, you know, when I get back, we could start practicing for the next kid.
Leo: Oh...
Piper grabs Leo and kisses him.
Paige: Ew. I'm still here.
Paige: What is wrong with you? Is this Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Piper? Make up your mind, lady.
Paige: Oh, the Elders don't know anything. What a shock.
Leo: As your whitelighter, I'd say go with your instincts.
Paige: Okay.
Leo: But as your brother-in-law, going up against your sisters would be pure suicide.
Paige: Great. You've really helped clarify this issue.
A Witch in Time
Piper: What is this a brothel?
Phoebe: Okay, something really freaky happened last night when I was with Miles.
Piper: You guys are all ready getting freaky?
Paige: Phoebe said so much about you we just wanted to get to know you a little better.
Phoebe: Yeah. Yeah.
Piper: Although probably not as much as we just did.
Leo: Ladies, death cannot be feared. For death, in time, comes to all witches. You know, the witch who says she's not scared in battle is a liar. The real witch is the one who fights.
Piper: Honey?
Leo: Yeah?
Piper: Zip it.
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